


Surprises at Malfoy Manor

by ArtemisLiCa



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-16
Updated: 2011-02-16
Packaged: 2017-10-15 17:09:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/163005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtemisLiCa/pseuds/ArtemisLiCa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Voldemort is having a bad day. All he wanted was to find Lucius Malfoy, but that wasn't as easy as he had thought it would be. (Warning: Crack!fic)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Surprises at Malfoy Manor

Tom Marvolo Riddle, also known as Lord Voldemort, the Dark Lord, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and You-Know-Who, strode through the halls of the lavish mansion wearing a malicious little smirk. He was well aware that Lucius wanted him out of his family home, but Tom was enjoying imposing on the arrogant pureblood.

In fact, Tom was looking for the snobby blond with the intention of amusing himself by mocking the man’s newly single state. He had heard just a few hours ago that Lucius’ wife had divorced him and was currently sharing the bed of a certain Potions Master.

Tom wandered through the mansion looking for Lucius. Walking past a guest room on the second floor, he paused. Curious about the strange noises coming from behind the closed door, he opened the door and looked in. With the door open, the strange sounds proved to be the moans and groans of passion.

Tom shut the door quickly, grimacing. He did not even look to see which of his Death Eaters were sharing a bed. Having been raised by muggles in the fifties, Tom was quite disgusted by the brief sight he had had of two men…Tom’s mouth twisted with distaste at the thought.

He quickly turned down another hallway and continued his search for Lucius Malfoy.

 _

**********

 **

Inside the guest room:

**   
_

“Sirius? Did you hear that?” Remus turned and looked towards the closed door.

Sirius groaned. “Hear what?” he asked, pulling on Remus, trying to return the werewolf’s attention to their activities.

“I just thought I heard the door open…”

“Well, if it had been anyone we needed to worry about they wouldn’t have left without interrupting. Now…” Sirius growled.

Remus groaned and forgot all about the sound of the door opening.

**********

Tom walked down yet another hallway. He was fairly certain he was now in the wing of the mansion housing the bedrooms of the Malfoy family. He paused as he reached the end of the hall. He knew Lucius’ room was either the last room on the left…or the last room on the right. Taking a guess, he walked over and opened the door on the left.

He shut the door again quickly. That had been much worse than in the guest room. At least his Death Eaters had had the decency to be under a blanket. Tom shuddered. Lucius’ son and his partner had both been completely naked and completely uncovered. Tom walked across the hall to the room he knew belonged to Lucius.

Before opening the door, he put one hand over his eyes and just barely parted his fingers so that he could peek through. He opened the door just wide enough to stick his head in. He breathed a sigh of relief at seeing the room empty. He shut the door and decided it might be better to look for Lucius downstairs.

**********

 _

 **Inside Draco’s room:**

_

“Weasley! What do you think you are doing?!” Draco demanded.

Ron looked up at Draco. “I thought I heard something.”

“Whatever it was, it can wait. Now, get back to what you were doing,” Draco said, pushing his hand into Ron’s hair.

Ron rolled his eyes, but for once decided not to talk with his mouth full. Well, he decided not to try. He was dealing with _quite_ a mouthful and he suspected he couldn’t have said anything even if he had wanted to.

**********

Tom slowly wandered down the hall on the first floor of Malfoy Manor. He was trying to regain his composure, but random images from upstairs would flash through his mind, drawing shudders of horror from him.

He stopped as he heard voices coming from one of the private sitting rooms. He marched over. He was no longer in a slightly cheerful, extremely malicious mood. Now he was feeling annoyed and someone was going to pay.

He jerked open the door, expecting to see Lucius and one of his other Death Eaters in discussion. Instead, he saw that the sofa in the sitting room had been transfigured into an oversized bed. An oversized bed with not one, not two, but _three_ naked men.

As he stood there, stunned and horrified, the image was burned into his brain. Even after he spun around and closed the door behind him, he could still see the occupants of the room. Two, obviously brothers, were…he really, _really_ wished he could forget what they had been doing to the third occupant in the bed.

Tom staggered away on legs that were reluctant to work. He wondered when the hell Lucius had decided to have a gay orgy. And why the hell hadn’t the man told him?!

**********

 _

 **Inside the sitting room:**

_

“Fred! George!” The sweaty man in the middle of the bed gasped out.

“Really, Oliver…” Fred said.

“After so many years of Quidditch, you’d think…” George said.

“You’d have more stamina,” Fred said.

“Fuck stamina! You two have been teasing me for hours!” Oliver Wood growled before pouncing on one of the redheads.

“Well,” Fred drawled as Oliver pinned George to the bed. “You haven’t done too, bad I guess, seeing as it’s been two to one.”

Oliver grinned and soon it was the Weasley twins that were gasping.

**********

Tom hadn’t really realized just how badly the sights he had seen had affected him until he wandered into the study and the first thought that crossed his mind at seeing Harry Potter holding hands with Lucius Malfoy in front of a marriage officiator was _Thank god!_

Before he could really process anything other than his profound relief at not seeing yet another gay sex scene, he felt the weight of someone’s gaze on him. While his favorite Death Eater, second only to the Potions Master, exchanged marriage vows with Harry Potter, Tom looked to the left and saw a young man very reminiscent of a whale staring at him.

Tom blinked when the young man licked his lips and continued to stare at him. He took a step back as the young man’s eyes slowly drifted over his body. He broke into a sweat as he recognized the hungry look in the boy’s eyes.

 _Please let him be trying to decide whether I would taste better fried or boiled!_ Tom thought, more than slightly panicked.

When the boy gave him a come-hither smile, Tom Riddle, feared by nearly every witch and wizard in the country, fled the room.

**********

 _

 **Inside the study:**

_

Harry smiled up at his new husband and eagerly leaned forward to meet his kiss. The kiss ended when the officiator coughed. Harry pulled back, blushing.

“Congratulations, Harry.”

Harry turned to his cousin, Dudley. He had been shocked when he had gone back to Privet Drive to get a photo of his mother that he had left and had found his aunt and uncle in the process of throwing their precious son out of their house. When Harry had realized they were disowning his cousin for being gay, he had offered to let Dudley live with him. They had gotten along rather well since the Dementor incident and it hadn’t been too bad living together.

“Thanks, Dudley.”

“Hey, Harry,” Dudley said, licking his lips and looking towards the door. “You know everyone staying here, right?”

“Yes,” Harry said, curious as to why his cousin would ask.

“So you’d know who that was?”

“Who?” Harry blinked at his cousin’s description.

“Lord Voldemort was here?” Lucius said, incredulously. “And he just left?”

“He’s a lord?” Dudley asked, looking very impressed.

“Surely, it couldn’t have been him,” Lucius muttered. “He never would have just left.”

As Harry and his new husband began discussing the whereabouts of Voldemort, Dudley quietly left the room in search of the rather unusual, really rather _hot_ , man.

**********

Tom slammed the door shut. He had been too panicked to think of going any further than his usual room at the Manor. He tried to calm himself, but his mind kept going over each of the incidents he had come across and flashing to the large young man in the study.

He was so worked up, that he never noticed the door open and shut behind him. It wasn’t until he heard a voice from behind him that he turned around. Seeing the boy from the study, he pulled out his wand. Or tried to. He fumbled and dropped his wand, which rolled away under the dresser.

“So. You’re a lord.” Dudley licked his lips. He smiled as he noticed how nervous the older man looked. “Don’t worry,” he said in his best seduction voice, “I know what I’m doing.”

Tom held up his hands in a weak attempt to ward the young man off. He back up as the young man started walking across the room towards him.

“What are you doing?” Tom’s voice rose to a squeak as the boy reached up and began unbuttoning his shirt.

Dudley just grinned and continued unbuttoning his shirt as he stalked towards the older man.

**********

Harry and Lucius walked down the hall, past the door to the room where Dudley was staying, the room where Voldemort usually stayed when he visited. The newlyweds were so caught up in each other that neither noticed the thud sound that came from the room as they walked past.


End file.
